Part four - if you are new to the series, start with part one (1) so it makes some kind of sense to you - there are links to the right beginning in April 2014
Now then, let us assume a few truths, first and foremost: God is love, He works out the lives and circumstances of those whom belong to Him for not only their good but the good of the entire Body of Christ (which is good for the rest of the world as well), He does call those whom are His, His children and He does lovingly discipline those children as well, and He is not only the perfect parent, He is also fully in control and knows even the deepest recesses of our hearts no matter how deeply buried things are.
Now, we shall expand a bit more.
As mentioned previously, AJ had a hard run before salvation and continued to struggle even afterward, eventually taking an "out of sight, out of mind" stance and forcing things deep down within themselves. Why would they do that? For one reason, thoughts and desires like those are not "Christian" and what would people think if they knew they felt that way or had those kinds of thoughts. This type of mindset causes a lot of pain and hardship for those within the Church who, for some reason, feel that they have to suddenly be perfect and righteous on their own merit, even though they were not before. Another reason is the pain of all that old crud. No small portion of those old experiences from how they used to live left horrible scars on AJ's heart and mind, so in order to escape the pain, they buried them. Oh they still remember them, they just no have intention of opening that locked door. The fact that the world around them has always told them that that is how stuff like that should be dealt with really has not helped much either. But as we should know, the world tends to be wrong.
Now AJ did pray and tell God that they gave everything over to Him, but they were not truthful in that, even if the lie was not intentional. Truth be told, AJ holds onto a lot from those days. Ways of thinking that are geared towards self preservation for instance - to avoid being hurt or used again or better yet, be the one to act first and not be the victim. And keeping those things in check gives AJ a sense of control and accomplishment in their own ability and will power. But their own ability was not enough before, and is still not. So AJ struggles and fights against those things still within as they try and force themselves to act, think and behave like a "good little Christian". All the while, every relationship in their life - friends, family, loved ones and even God - is suffering from the effects of what lies buried within. Remember though, God knows the heart.
God had put a calling into ministry on AJ's life, and AJ knew it, but they were not pursuing it because of how very unworthy they felt, due greatly to those things and desires within. God could just push AJ into their calling, as they are, and they would do okay for a while. Eventually though, things would begin unravelling quickly and AJ, as well as many other people, would end up hurt in a big way.
God knew how much it would take for AJ to break and give in to those temptations, that is why He allowed AJ to reach that point - AJ had to "hit the wall". The only way that AJ was going to break down and deal with those things and truly surrender to God, was if they got to see just how massive they had the potential to become and how much damage they were capable of doing. God has not left AJ at all, even if AJ is "trying" to run away from Him. In fact, He is using this whole mess to bring old things out of the darkness and into the light and finally set AJ free from a bondage they have been in for far too long. One could blame AJ for not dealing with things in the first place, but how many of us have (or had) things buried deep that we know we should deal with, yet do not do so? How many of us try to make it on our own "righteous merits"?
I did mention you - the one who has had to watch this unfold and who seeks to find someone to blame - as being a suspect. Through this ordeal with AJ, you have learned some things. One, you examined your own life more closely, after seeing someone as solid as AJ fall into old ways, and you found much in there you had to deal with and give to God. Another thing you realized is that some of your own thoughts and behaviors towards other people, especially those close to you within the Church, were way off base. You used to give excuses as to why you could not get involved: "not your business", "not my brother's keeper", "if they want to talk, they can come to me" and "what if it makes them mad, I better not". You now know that those are truly garbage and throughout it all, you find yourself changed for the better. God knew what it would take to get you to take notice and change as well - your personal ordeals would not work but seeing someone you love go through such a thing, on the other hand. So you could blame yourself for not stepping in and up, but if you had of, it would have been forced, not in love at all and you likely would have resented AJ for it - plus you likely would not have learned anything from it.
I feel for you and I feel for AJ (I truly do, if you have gone through such or have been an "AJ"), but finding someone to point a finger of blame at, does not appear to be quite so easy as perhaps it did initially, does it. For we know very little of what truly goes on in our own lives, let alone what goes within that of others - our vision is very, very limited seeing only part of the external and (usually)none of the internal.
***To Be Continued***
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