Why me? I mean
really, why me? Why should I have been
the one to get saved? Why would God ever choose me to do anything? After all, I know who I am. I know what I have done. I know all the times I did not listen to Him
and there have been oodles upon oodles of those. So why would He bother with
me? Maybe, maybe He made mistake. No, that can't be it, God does not make
mistakes. Oh, wait, I know. It was no mistake at all. I am "Judas" or "Pharaoh"
- created for destruction. An example to
those who would come after me for what not to do and what not to be. That must be it. It is the only thing that makes any sense,
after all. Like I said, I know who I
have been, I know what I have done and whom I have done it too. And hey, it is
not like other people do not know too so none of this should be any surprise to
them.
Ever have one of those moments? Maybe it was longer than a
moment, maybe it was a whole day, week or month...maybe it was longer. Maybe you had this view, not of yourself, but
of someone else. Do not kick yourself too hard because I am here to let you
know that you are very much not alone. I
have been as well, more times than I really want to think about. And, to be honest, it was no great truth
about who I am that brought me out of it but rather, a bit of insight into some
other rather well known people that did so.
David, slayer of the giant Goliath, and the earthly king by
which all other kings of Israel were measured has been called a man after God's
own heart (Acts 13:22) in the midst if his reign (not the beginning, nor the
end) not only commits adultery but has the woman's husband killed (Samuel
11:14-15). Far more than a "slight indiscretion".
How about the Apostles? Now there was a well groomed, well
educated, well respected group of individuals who never, ever made mistakes.
Yeah, right.
Four of them were fishermen - a group who worked long hours,
doing hard manual labour who, while skilled, were not exactly well
educated. While I have never been to
ancient Israel to "hang out" with them as they slaved away day in and
day out, I have been around groups of people who were doing work of that manner
and, if I recall correctly, the "language" did not tend to be made up
of psalms and well wishes. That said, there is a good chance that these guys
were hardly standing firmly upon what would have been considered the moral high
ground.
It does not end there though. One of them, Simon, was a Zealot and the best
modern day understanding of what those were would be either be a terrorist or
"freedom fighter" depending on what side you are on. Or Matthew (the
same one who wrote the Gospel of the same name) who had been a tax collector -
viewed as being both a traitor to the Jewish people and a thief. Consider the
initial "fun" of these two working together.
How about the Apostle Paul, formerly known as Saul who used
to spend his time not merely saying "unpleasant" things about the
Church but actively hunting down its' members with the intention of, at the
very least, imprisoning them and more often than, killing them. Let us not
forget the Apostle Peter, whom, well after the Day of Pentecost, gets
publically (and rightfully) rebuked for being a hypocrite (Gal.4:11-14).
The long and the short of it is simply this: who are you to argue with what God has said? Seriously.
If God has called you up and out - which is exactly what He has done if
you are, indeed, a believer - then there is a reason for it. There is something that He sees that you
cannot. Make no mistake, none of people
above ever thought they would do and become what they did. They all knew how flawed and screwed up they
were. None were perfect, not one - but
God choose them anyway, in spite of their fears, failings and yes, even their
own humanity. The only thing they ever
did was answer when He called. It is not
about what you have or who you (or any other person) thinks you are - it is all
about God and it always has been and He is easily bigger than any short coming
you (or anyone else) have ever previously had, currently have or ever could
have... and He is the One who has called you up, out and as His very own.
"The Lord did not set his heart on you and choose you
because you were more numerous than other nations, for you were the smallest of
all nations! Rather, it was simply that the Lord loves you..." Deut 7:7-8
