Why Do I?

Why do I say the kinds of things I do? Why do I try and make those within the Church take a look at themselves, as opposed to "blowing smoke up their tail pipe" to make them feel good?  Here's one you don't know about me...

Have you ever seen a church die?

I do not mean shrink.  I do not mean have to change buildings. I mean DIE. As in "God has left the building" kind of die.  I have.  A relatively long time ago now, when I was much younger in my faith, I saw a church die. That does something to you.

But it gets worse.  You see, I was given a very direct Word and it was a Word about the church in question.  But I was young in my faith.  And I was afraid. I was afraid to share it.  Afraid that they would look at me funny, or not listen, or not like me, or mock me.  So I said NOTHING. I kept it to myself. And a church died.

Maybe me saying it would not have changed anything. Maybe they would not have listened. Maybe they would mocked me or whatever. But maybe, maybe they would have heard. Maybe. I'll never know. Because that  church died. It was dead and gone by the end of the week - it never made the next Sunday.

So if you take offense or whatever because I seem to continually be trying to make you look at yourself in mirror. If it bothers you that I point out "little things" like the Church acting like the world, or getting defiant about stupid insignificant  matters or becoming self centered or holier than thou or just "going through the motions", know this:  I AM GOING TO SAY SOMETHING. I will not be silent no matter how many of you hate me for it. No matter how many of you stand in self righteous judgement over me. I will not be silent again. Not because I am better than you, but because I know what it is to fail and how bitter tears flow.

I cannot handle any more blood on my hands. Never again.

And yes, even now I still cry...