Once in a while, one may find themselves craving chocolate or candy or other such tidbit but hardly is it a constant thing. Until, that is, you decide it is time to lose a few pounds for then the craving for such things becomes far more frequent. Even the chocolate bars at the supermarket checkout seem to call out your name as you attempt to walk past.
Before my own salvation, I am suspect I committed every sin in the book a time or two and felt the draw to continue in them. After though, after that moment in time the lure and call of such things - and surely even new sins - seemed to become even more noticeable and yes, even frequent. Perhaps it was merely the knowledge that such things were sinful that made them 'appear' to be more frequent or perhaps it was the sin that was within my heart being just that - sin - and in that being utterly sinful (for can sin be anything other than what it is?).
How I would so love to say that since that day, now years ago, I have lived and shown the very epitome of Christ in my behaviors and, more importantly, my dealings with - and reactions to - other people. I would so love to ... but I cannot. Far too often (at all is too often) I have shown the very vileness of humanity to people whom I have cared about instead of the likeness of the One who saw fit to breathe life into me that day. Perhaps such an admission is a bit to "human" for some within the Church, but that does not make it less true.
This is not for any "pat on the back", for any "there there's", for any pity or sympathy any more than it is to serve myself on a platter for those would stand in judgment over me, my words or my actions. This, this is two fold:
1. My honest, deepest apologies to those whom I have wronged and/or shown that side of me which I truly wish did not exist at all. I have no excuses for things done/said.
2. In spite of all of this, my God - my King, my Lord - has never, ever left me. He has never struck me with lightning, stricken me with <whatever>, turned on me or against me. He has always remained true to form and character - proving His compassion for the likes me over and over and over again. Even when I have tried (and I have) to walk (run) away from Him, He never left my side or left me to fend for myself - even though I surely deserved it.
....And He won't leave you either...
Take it from someone who knows.
*Edit/Add-on*
Sometimes I ponder why, exactly, God prompts to me post/share such as my posting. After all, it is not exactly flattering nor easy to bare oneself that way. There are even people who believe it is not right or proper of me or someone pursuing a calling into the 'pastoral charge' to say things such as this - they seem to feel that the "pastor" should be the shiny, polished finished product (unless the heavens should be torn wide and Christ steps down and takes a place behind the pulpit of your church, there is no "finished" or "perfect" one there - just another person, like you). I know because they have said such to me. So why then, if this "revelation of personal humanity" is so wrong, does He have me do it?
If we are spending no small amount of our time trying to keep our mask on, keep up the appearance and keep our skeletons in our closets, then we cannot be following the 2 commands which Christ gave us in Matthew 22:37-39 - at least not near as completely as we want to think we are.
Ponder that for a while.
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