If you follow my writing at all, by now your are aware that, from time to time, God decides He is going to begin addressing <something> with me and I feel prompted to share that with you - the reader. Sometimes, it is afterwards, sometimes during and sometimes, like now, it is in the very early stages.
Have you ever noticed how, when God is trying to get your attention about something, whatever it is seems to pop up everywhere you look even when you are not trying to look for it? Well, that is what has been going on with me as of late. First it was just a thought, here and there, and then it started popping up from outside sources a bit. What, pray tell, is it this time you may ask? Basically, self examination.
Revelations 3:1, is kind of interesting if you stop to take a look at it. In it, Jesus is addressing a Church that is known by other people as being one that is vibrant and alive - thriving. However, He is quick to point out that while they may have built up a reputation for being alive, He can see the truth that they are actually dead inside. Apparently, even though those within it and those outside of it were seeing it as thriving, the truth of the matter was totally different. And that is actually kind of scary in a way. I mean really, no doubt the people included within it did not think they were dead - they likely believed that they were thriving as well...but they were not. And it makes one stop to ponder, even if briefly, if we are as alive as we think we are or are we merely believing our own lie.
Recently, I found myself reading AW Tozer's "That Incredible Christian" and he mentioned something along the very same lines. In it, he mentions that most people live their entire lives without another person actually knowing who they really are and that they are so good at keeping up their camouflage, that they themselves rarely know either.
Tozer goes on to suggest a few starting points for checking into who we truly are at our very core (I do not mean who we are in Christ, but rather, with regards to the actual desires of our hearts). The first he gives is "what do we want the most" and that we should reject any kind of conventional answer, but rather, get alone with out thoughts and take a real look within. If you are like me, then your gut reaction is going to be to say something about knowing God more or something of the like, but is that really the honest, core answer? Is that the answer that Christ would give you if you asked Him what it is that you really want?
He gives others as well, including "what do we think about the most" - the stuff that fills our thoughts when we do not feel we must be thinking of something else; "how do we spend out leisure time" and "what do we spend our money on" (outside of that which we must spend it upon) both give clues as to where our heart truly is much of the time and reveal a bit about who we actually are as opposed to who other people see us as, who we pretend to be or who we want to think we are.
I cannot speak for you but I know that as I start to ponder these things a bit, to be honest, I start to see things I would so much rather not see there.
But what if we honestly simply cannot seem to see them ourselves? After all, the Church in Rev. 3:1 did not see their our issues - it took Jesus to point it out to them. With that in mind, perhaps a quick glance at Psalm 139 may be in order - specifically, verses 23-24: "Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
That really is a bold prayer that David made. Oh sure, it is easy enough to say, but to mean it from start to finish. Not only asking God to search out his heart but to be willingly be led away from <whatever>. That last part may make you lift an eyebrow but let's be honest with each other for a moment. That sin, habit, mindset or whatever that we have that we know we should not have is not some powerhouse temptation that just railroads over top of Christ every chance it gets. It is there because - for whatever reason and in whatever way - we like it. We may hate what it does to us, but for some reason we allow it to remain because we like it. So being willing to actually be led away from it, yeah, that takes a bit conviction.
Now I want to make it clear that I am not saying we are to judge or condemn ourselves and this is definitely something personal - not something you read and say <so and so> needs this. But I want you to consider this: if you do not think you are sick, why would you go to the doctor? You wouldn't, would you. The church in Rev 3:1 thought they were well, thought they were healthy...they were wrong. Let us learn from that while we still can.
**A quick Add-On**
So what is the point of this "self examination"? Think of it like checking your own body for lumps, bumps, moles, etc - something that doctors recommend doing in order that any cancerous growth may be detected early. If you check and find something, it may be nothing but that checking may have just saved your life. If you do not check, and there is something there, you may not find out until it is far, far too late for you.
"Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven ... Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me.." ~ Matthew 7:21, 23
("That Incredible Christian" was written by AW Tozer, published in 1964)
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