So I cannot say when it happened exactly, because frankly, I do not know. Somewhere along the way, a change within myself has occurred. Granted there have been many changes over time, some I can see from this side, some others have to point out for me. But this is a change that I can see from within. By now, you may be wondering what change I see. Well, allow me to attempt an explanation.
The change I have noticed lately is an unwillingness to hurt or be hurt any longer than is truly necessary. Does not sound so odd, does it? Perhaps a bit of context will help.
There have been numerous times in my walk with God that He has changed something within me. Some of those times, He has done so completely without me realizing anything was going on or needed to go on for that matter. Those times are like someone seeing you for the first time in months and telling you "hey, you lost weight and look great" and you have been doing nothing intentional to get in better shape. Just kind of happens. Other times though, there have been things which He has shown me which require my attention. This is the variety that involves the change.
I strive to be honest in here and will do so now. Like I am certain others have done before me, there have been times in which He has shown me something - sometimes something huge (huge to me anyways) - that He wants to address or change and I have responded with "yeah yeah, I know" and have continued on my merry way. Why that response, your guess is about as good as mine. Maybe have been prone to the occasional stubborn streak in my day.
But that response has changed. Slowly but changed it has.
Once I was content to merely take info into my head, process it and carry on with life. I can say that, at least in more recent times, that is something that I just can no longer do. Sure I could, but I really do not want to.
For instance, there has been something He has recently been showing me from more than a couple of unrelated sources (don't you just love that). It is something which I can see is a character level thing and probably will have some real impact on my life, my walk and those around me. In my head I realized that the first time I saw it. And the second. And so on. But my response has not been to be content with that "head understanding" of what He has taken such pangs to reveal to me more than once. Instead my response to Him has been simple and direct. "I do not want this merely in my mind. I want this to be real, to understand and know this within my heart, not just thoughts in my head. Please God make this real, change me as only you can do." I have had several "talks" with Him that have gone very much like that.
See, someplace along the way, I came to a spot of not wanting to continue to suffer with whatever or of not wanting to possibly cause pain in others due to my unwillingness to, for lack of a better term here, go for it. Sure I know there can be some short term pain involved - change can be hard sometimes, but better short term once than that dull ache for years over and over again. Perhaps, as time has gone forward and I have gotten to know my Lord on a more personal level here, the desire to become more like Him has over ridden any fear of short term pain. Perhaps after seeing Him just "be there" without fail EVER over and over, I have become more willing to ignore the threat of fear or pain or change knowing that He will, again, be there.
Like I said before, I cannot say when that changed or with any solid reason why it changed other than it being a "God thing". I do however know it is necessary. Not just for me, but for you as well.
See as believers, we know (or tend to anyways) lots of scripture about how He will never leave us or forsake us. About how we are never alone in this world and how we are in the very palm of His hand and no one and nothing (not even our own stubbornness) can change that. All good stuff, but we tend to forget something.
1 Peter 1:24~"All people are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall"
and
Psalm 102:11~"My days are like the evening shadow; I wither away like grass."
There are other places as well, but those two should get the point across.
There is a part of us that is, in fact, immortal - part that will live on after our eyes close for that final time. But our eyes WILL close. Our life in and on this world does have an end. And we have NO IDEA when that end will come. God alone knows when the end of our days will be. So when He shows us something within ourselves, or someone whom He wants us to talk to or do something for, or maybe even some forgiveness issue that you have yet to deal with - perhaps a bit more urgency is in order. After all, not trying to be morbid here, but you and/or I could be gone from this life 5 minutes from now. We have no clue how long we have. There is a finite time in which He can show us "whatever or whomever" since we are finite.
Consider this on the heels of the above: say there is someone whom you keep being shown, whether that be in sharing the gospel or in a forgiveness setting or something else. If YOU are saved and die today you are with Him in glory. Yay for you (seriously). But - what happens if it is the other person whom passes away. What can you do then? I have little doubt that guilt will come calling in great measure. I do not know about you, but I am not overly fond of guilt.
The point is, don't wait. Honestly. If He wants to change you and He is showing you something, then go for it. Really. Better short term discomfort than missing a chance permanently. After all, we are hardly "here" forever - Philippians 3:20 "our citizenship is in heaven".
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